dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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