I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
