I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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