I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
