I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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