what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Please don't give away my fajitas
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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