You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
