you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
