i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
