I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
