I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize