So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
