I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
