If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize