I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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