please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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