at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
