She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
