My balls are so social today.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
