I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
