i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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