dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
