I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
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