"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
