I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
