But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Michael Bay diarrhea
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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