i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
