Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
