so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think I won the penis lottery.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ketchup is God's man juice
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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