I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
