This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
