just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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