Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
