no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize