i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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