This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is the high leading the old right now
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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