FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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