and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
