and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
