I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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