My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
