dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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