My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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