But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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