At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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