so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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