Duck Duck Cougar?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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