i was born a porn star she said
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When are your genitals available?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
