Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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