So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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