I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
