She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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