he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
