he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
