THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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