I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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