Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
