I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
