John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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