Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
