Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
