Can i not drive my cunt home
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
