It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
