the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
