some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
