i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
