he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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