White coat. Heels.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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