I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
