I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
