I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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