I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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