I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize