You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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