I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
NoShamevember. You game?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
