I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
