the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
