I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize