Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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