We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
