She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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