You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
