She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
