ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
