We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
