my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
