Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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