I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
