Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
