I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
