I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
