My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i think my cat just said my name.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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