She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
