I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize