matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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