between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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