I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
