they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
