I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize