She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
