you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
