I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
