but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
