Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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