did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
