Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
