the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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