i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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