you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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