Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
