I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
